I am frightened by what this is doing to me. The fear of losing bits of yourself in the process, yet wishing to dance like no one's looking. 'To live is to risk death.' - how insanely true.
As I sink deeper, I pondered what love is. Speak He did, to me.
"Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. .." - 1 Cor 13:4-8
Words that repeat themselves too many times somehow find a way of not getting in. Think reciting of the national pledge every day of the school year. Yet if He shows them to you, they jump out and you cannot hide.
Memories of the unnecessary irritation shown at loved ones shame me. And so I must admit if you mark it like this - and so He says it must be - I love no one, not even those I genuinely believed I do.
'My heart belongs to Jesus alone, and I will have it no other way. Yet it feels like I have been in the desert for a bit.' - a very dear friend echoed my sentiments at this moment.
claire
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Work and Sunday nights...and Settling.
So it's a public holiday here and on a quiet Sunday night which ought to be reserved for catching up on Gossip Girl (don't even ask me why I watch this; embarrassingly, I enjoy it), I am seated on my now half torn leather chair - working.
Reading up before my conference call tomorrow morning with a dear client who took a year - 1 year and 7 months, to be exact - to revert on an advice. Now, I appreciate that the advice was 15 pages long (quite reasonable since the questions were two pages long), but whoever takes a year to come up with questions? Expectedly, I would think said client does not wish to pay for the follow up queries, and even more expectedly, said client would want an update on the changes in the laws and regulations which occurred to date. If I have a single gripe, it's that the regulatory authorities here work waayy too hard. They change the laws every other day! Taking a step back, it is all very impressive if you ask me. But pity us, won't you... each time, just as I am decidedly very pleased that I am finally familiar with the law, you just have to change it.
B*tchfest is over. I promise it is the late night and the looming Monday blues speaking.
In other news, without divulging too much for obvious reasons, I'm afraid I'm not quite as out of it as I would like. Sometimes this seems like a giant joke. Or a dream (not quite a nightmare). Some days when my eyes open and stare at that familiar bedroom ceiling, I wish someone would tell me, hey dream's over, he ever existed, figment of your imagination. On many other days, when the smses appear on my phone, I know I'm not dreaming. I could choose to stop this if I want to. But I don't know if I want to. This is all too complicated for me. Why could not life be that much simpler? Yet I believe this is because God knows that He has not built me that way, that if I were to live the typical life that too many do here - go to Uni, grow up (or believe you have), find someone you could marry (not too appalling, someone you don't mind but perhaps could never really love in the way God meant love to be - see Song of Songs), move in, give birth, and live with three fat babies crying, waking up at odd hours of the morning, live the days, count the hours, go to work, darn - I could not. That is a prison I could not imagine, and one I see too many settle for. I don't believe I am better than them or vice versa. To each his own, I always believed. I just hope I have that integrity and simple faith to stick it through, to hold out for what He had always intended for me.
xx
claire.
Reading up before my conference call tomorrow morning with a dear client who took a year - 1 year and 7 months, to be exact - to revert on an advice. Now, I appreciate that the advice was 15 pages long (quite reasonable since the questions were two pages long), but whoever takes a year to come up with questions? Expectedly, I would think said client does not wish to pay for the follow up queries, and even more expectedly, said client would want an update on the changes in the laws and regulations which occurred to date. If I have a single gripe, it's that the regulatory authorities here work waayy too hard. They change the laws every other day! Taking a step back, it is all very impressive if you ask me. But pity us, won't you... each time, just as I am decidedly very pleased that I am finally familiar with the law, you just have to change it.
B*tchfest is over. I promise it is the late night and the looming Monday blues speaking.
In other news, without divulging too much for obvious reasons, I'm afraid I'm not quite as out of it as I would like. Sometimes this seems like a giant joke. Or a dream (not quite a nightmare). Some days when my eyes open and stare at that familiar bedroom ceiling, I wish someone would tell me, hey dream's over, he ever existed, figment of your imagination. On many other days, when the smses appear on my phone, I know I'm not dreaming. I could choose to stop this if I want to. But I don't know if I want to. This is all too complicated for me. Why could not life be that much simpler? Yet I believe this is because God knows that He has not built me that way, that if I were to live the typical life that too many do here - go to Uni, grow up (or believe you have), find someone you could marry (not too appalling, someone you don't mind but perhaps could never really love in the way God meant love to be - see Song of Songs), move in, give birth, and live with three fat babies crying, waking up at odd hours of the morning, live the days, count the hours, go to work, darn - I could not. That is a prison I could not imagine, and one I see too many settle for. I don't believe I am better than them or vice versa. To each his own, I always believed. I just hope I have that integrity and simple faith to stick it through, to hold out for what He had always intended for me.
xx
claire.
Count I will
Despite how this may be cliché and tired-sounding after the three million and one blogs on thanksgiving, I decided that I have to do this. Not for tradition's sake but really to remind myself of how beautifully blessed I am. Count I will, and here I go.
I am truly grateful for:
1. My family -
My dearest Daddy, whom I know loves me more than I know. Even though you do not explicitly say so but your actions shout it out so loud. They say, ignore the words for words are cheap; just look at the actions. I love you, too.
My dearest Mummy, whom I know loves me to pieces, with a vast, boundless and sacrificial love. I will give anything to have, and be, a mother like you. I love you, too.
My beloved brother: I am glad I wrote that piece on your birthday. The wonderful Lord, He works in beautiful ways, doesn't He? Thank you for everything. I love you, too.
My beloved sister, aka my dearest Cong: Thank you for the joy you bring to this family. For your patient, kind and loving temperament that puts me to shame. Each day, I cannot believe that we are close friends despite our 9 year age gap. I love you, too.
Truly, 'I am everything I am, because you love me'.
2. My best friend
Eleven years ago, we were strangers. Actually, make that very mere acquaintances. Rather, I remembered you as the very bad-tempered friend of a friend (you do have a very black face, you know; but a heart of gold :D).
Eleven years later - of shared secrets, hopes and dreams, of love lost, of travelling experiences, of tender moments and of a quiet and sure love - I am eternally thankful for a bestest friend and soulmate in you. God did a beautiful, beautiful thing that very day when I shared with you that which would bring us together.
Here's to drossing around our favourite place at 80 years old and on walking sticks :). I love you, too.
3. My job
I would never imagine myself saying this, say, two years ago. Indeed, He has brought me a long, long way. To where I am now, with healed relationships and a sense of confidence despite the new challenges each day. Simply remembering what He has brought me through brings me to my knees, with gratitude. I am here for a season. I don't know when this season will end, but if and when it does, I would not regret a single minute spent in this place. For it made me who I am today, stronger as an individual and in Him.
4. Love lost
I think of him today with a distant sort of fondness. If that makes sense. We last met a year or two ago, and probably wouldn't meet anytime soon. That's fine; I have long ago come to terms that it was not meant to be. I will probably never understand why. Sometimes still, I whisper to Him, what the h*ll Lord, why? He was so right and it was so right. I don't know and I guess I will only ever know when I see Him face to face.
Yet I thank Him for I felt Him say time and again that He has brought, and will bring, each person into our lives for a reason. He taught me what it was to love God before any (and I mean any) human being; I will never forget the conversations we had when I was so broken from my illness, and he was simply there to ease me back to Him. I could be long lost from His kingdom, if not for him and God working through him. Thank you, for that.
5. Long runs
I love 'em. They clear my head like nothing else would. Try one, with worship songs pounding away in your ears. Perfect for a heart to heart with Him.
6. Chocolate
I have descended into the frivolous, if you haven't already noticed. But hey, who says these aren't things to be grateful for? Love, love, love CHOCS. Endorphins, endorphins and yet more endorphins! Just had some choc daifuku flown all the way from Tokyo. Hearts to my lovely friend who sent them :)
7. Friends
A friend is a 'person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of s*xual or family relations'. (I am blocking out any potential words that may get my blog deleted, which apparently occurs randomly.)
I am grateful for real friends, not the ones who stab you in the back. Not the ones who smile and pretend they adore you. The ones whom you know will stick with you through thick and thin, through smiles and tears, whom you know your secret is safe with. Heck, whom I can trust my life with.
I can count them with both hands. That is an endangered specie, all by itself. I am thankful.
8. Make-up
How frivolous am I? At the risk of sounding defensive, I have to say I am grateful for make-up, because I guess vestiges of my illness remain in the form of self-esteem or lack thereof. I don't think I've ever stepped out of the house nowadays without some form of make-up. Exceptions of course apply when I go for a run. Call me vain if you will. I will honestly admit that I guess that plays a part, but more than anything else, it is a self-esteem issue. (I cannot believe I just admitted that. This blog had better remain forever anonymous.)
9. Coffee, coke, caffeine!
I am such a caffeine fiend. Honestly, I am grateful for it. Not for the yellow teeth and bad stains. I guess, it makes me a lean, mean, efficient machine. I need to cut the dose, I believe. But I am thankful for this amazing creation, or rather, discovery.
10. Dearest God
Last but not least. My dearest Lord, Jesus Christ. Without whom I am nothing. I struggle each day to draw closer to You in recent times. Yet You never fail to reach out to me in my darkness and unbelief. Father, I believe, help my unbelief, Lord, I pray. I thank You for carrying me through each storm of life - through my debilitating illness anorexia, my ridiculous number of years of education and countless exams, my long droughts in my walk with You, my lack of faith and sitting on the fence, my struggles with You, the thoughts of giving it all away, the fear of so many things that this life can bring, the back-stabbers (albeit very smiley ones) and the physical, emotional and mental pain - through it all, Father. Thank You for You.
I am feeling so rich now, I could burst.
xx
claire
I am truly grateful for:
1. My family -
My dearest Daddy, whom I know loves me more than I know. Even though you do not explicitly say so but your actions shout it out so loud. They say, ignore the words for words are cheap; just look at the actions. I love you, too.
My dearest Mummy, whom I know loves me to pieces, with a vast, boundless and sacrificial love. I will give anything to have, and be, a mother like you. I love you, too.
My beloved brother: I am glad I wrote that piece on your birthday. The wonderful Lord, He works in beautiful ways, doesn't He? Thank you for everything. I love you, too.
My beloved sister, aka my dearest Cong: Thank you for the joy you bring to this family. For your patient, kind and loving temperament that puts me to shame. Each day, I cannot believe that we are close friends despite our 9 year age gap. I love you, too.
Truly, 'I am everything I am, because you love me'.
2. My best friend
Eleven years ago, we were strangers. Actually, make that very mere acquaintances. Rather, I remembered you as the very bad-tempered friend of a friend (you do have a very black face, you know; but a heart of gold :D).
Eleven years later - of shared secrets, hopes and dreams, of love lost, of travelling experiences, of tender moments and of a quiet and sure love - I am eternally thankful for a bestest friend and soulmate in you. God did a beautiful, beautiful thing that very day when I shared with you that which would bring us together.
Here's to drossing around our favourite place at 80 years old and on walking sticks :). I love you, too.
3. My job
I would never imagine myself saying this, say, two years ago. Indeed, He has brought me a long, long way. To where I am now, with healed relationships and a sense of confidence despite the new challenges each day. Simply remembering what He has brought me through brings me to my knees, with gratitude. I am here for a season. I don't know when this season will end, but if and when it does, I would not regret a single minute spent in this place. For it made me who I am today, stronger as an individual and in Him.
4. Love lost
I think of him today with a distant sort of fondness. If that makes sense. We last met a year or two ago, and probably wouldn't meet anytime soon. That's fine; I have long ago come to terms that it was not meant to be. I will probably never understand why. Sometimes still, I whisper to Him, what the h*ll Lord, why? He was so right and it was so right. I don't know and I guess I will only ever know when I see Him face to face.
Yet I thank Him for I felt Him say time and again that He has brought, and will bring, each person into our lives for a reason. He taught me what it was to love God before any (and I mean any) human being; I will never forget the conversations we had when I was so broken from my illness, and he was simply there to ease me back to Him. I could be long lost from His kingdom, if not for him and God working through him. Thank you, for that.
5. Long runs
I love 'em. They clear my head like nothing else would. Try one, with worship songs pounding away in your ears. Perfect for a heart to heart with Him.
6. Chocolate
I have descended into the frivolous, if you haven't already noticed. But hey, who says these aren't things to be grateful for? Love, love, love CHOCS. Endorphins, endorphins and yet more endorphins! Just had some choc daifuku flown all the way from Tokyo. Hearts to my lovely friend who sent them :)
7. Friends
A friend is a 'person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of s*xual or family relations'. (I am blocking out any potential words that may get my blog deleted, which apparently occurs randomly.)
I am grateful for real friends, not the ones who stab you in the back. Not the ones who smile and pretend they adore you. The ones whom you know will stick with you through thick and thin, through smiles and tears, whom you know your secret is safe with. Heck, whom I can trust my life with.
I can count them with both hands. That is an endangered specie, all by itself. I am thankful.
8. Make-up
How frivolous am I? At the risk of sounding defensive, I have to say I am grateful for make-up, because I guess vestiges of my illness remain in the form of self-esteem or lack thereof. I don't think I've ever stepped out of the house nowadays without some form of make-up. Exceptions of course apply when I go for a run. Call me vain if you will. I will honestly admit that I guess that plays a part, but more than anything else, it is a self-esteem issue. (I cannot believe I just admitted that. This blog had better remain forever anonymous.)
9. Coffee, coke, caffeine!
I am such a caffeine fiend. Honestly, I am grateful for it. Not for the yellow teeth and bad stains. I guess, it makes me a lean, mean, efficient machine. I need to cut the dose, I believe. But I am thankful for this amazing creation, or rather, discovery.
10. Dearest God
Last but not least. My dearest Lord, Jesus Christ. Without whom I am nothing. I struggle each day to draw closer to You in recent times. Yet You never fail to reach out to me in my darkness and unbelief. Father, I believe, help my unbelief, Lord, I pray. I thank You for carrying me through each storm of life - through my debilitating illness anorexia, my ridiculous number of years of education and countless exams, my long droughts in my walk with You, my lack of faith and sitting on the fence, my struggles with You, the thoughts of giving it all away, the fear of so many things that this life can bring, the back-stabbers (albeit very smiley ones) and the physical, emotional and mental pain - through it all, Father. Thank You for You.
I am feeling so rich now, I could burst.
xx
claire
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
Currently on my ipod repeat list. Beautiful, beautiful song. May you (assuming you desire so) play this at your wedding one day...and mean it:) He has made all things beautiful in His time. If only we (I) could see it more often, and cease to doubt.
xx
claire
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happy Birthday, My Dearest Lil Brother
My Dearest Brother,
Happy Birthday to you.
I sat down today thinking about our 'sibling-ship'. I recall the days of old, before you got your first girlfriend (7 years ago!), when we used to talk about everything under the sun and moon and stars, when we used to be best friends. I miss those days. I recall too the days before you came to the Lord, when you were so shattered when your first girlfriend broke your heart. That you cried and I remember we sat down on the floor of my room, when together we prayed and I committed you so securely into the hands of Him who loves you so very much.
I remember when I asked if you believed in God, if you would say the sinner's prayer with me. And I remember the immense sense of deep joy I felt, when I could see it in your eyes and sensed it in your spirit that you did. And how you did.
Today, I see you grow from strength to strength in Him, in leaps and bounds. And my spirit leaps too, at that thought. Beautiful are your feet for you bring His good news.
Over the years, I see how we have slowly drifted apart primarily as we grow up and lead our own separate lives. And also with your car and active social life, you hardly spend any time at home. I'd admit I resent the way you throw your temper, the way you treat this home like a hotel sometimes, the way you show irritation at so many things. Yet deep down when I reflect upon it, I see how the Lord has already changed you in so many ways and I know He is still doing a great work in you.
So today, I want to celebrate you for the wonderful brother that you are. I truly appreciate how you are just like a good friend to me, a lovely brother-in-Christ. I am refreshed by our morning conversations when you send me to work, when we share about things of Him, when I hear and see how simple yet deep your faith is. When I see how He has altered the way you see and live your life, I am truly heartened, encouraged and grateful. And thank you, for not complaining when I drag you up to give me a lift to work.
Thank you, mostly, for loving an imperfect sister such as me. A couple of days ago, I was feeling really down, when I saw the lil ornament you had given me years ago which says:
"My Sister,
A golden string no one can see has bound us from the start;
My very precious sister;
It's Love that ties our hearts."
I could not help but tear at that. I thank God for giving me a brother and a brother in Christ in you. Siblings sometimes fight to no end, and people are constantly amazed that we are like close friends. Nothing short of one of the largest blessings God has bestowed me with, I would say.
So Happiest of Birthdays, my Dearest Little Brother. I hope you know how much you mean to me.
God bless you with His richest, and Immeasurably More.
In His love,
your lovely sister :)
And now for some memories of the lovely food at Etna @ Upper East Coast
Now, the order is entirely intentional (in my humble preference).
Linguine con Capesante
Happy Birthday to you.
I sat down today thinking about our 'sibling-ship'. I recall the days of old, before you got your first girlfriend (7 years ago!), when we used to talk about everything under the sun and moon and stars, when we used to be best friends. I miss those days. I recall too the days before you came to the Lord, when you were so shattered when your first girlfriend broke your heart. That you cried and I remember we sat down on the floor of my room, when together we prayed and I committed you so securely into the hands of Him who loves you so very much.
I remember when I asked if you believed in God, if you would say the sinner's prayer with me. And I remember the immense sense of deep joy I felt, when I could see it in your eyes and sensed it in your spirit that you did. And how you did.
Today, I see you grow from strength to strength in Him, in leaps and bounds. And my spirit leaps too, at that thought. Beautiful are your feet for you bring His good news.
Over the years, I see how we have slowly drifted apart primarily as we grow up and lead our own separate lives. And also with your car and active social life, you hardly spend any time at home. I'd admit I resent the way you throw your temper, the way you treat this home like a hotel sometimes, the way you show irritation at so many things. Yet deep down when I reflect upon it, I see how the Lord has already changed you in so many ways and I know He is still doing a great work in you.
So today, I want to celebrate you for the wonderful brother that you are. I truly appreciate how you are just like a good friend to me, a lovely brother-in-Christ. I am refreshed by our morning conversations when you send me to work, when we share about things of Him, when I hear and see how simple yet deep your faith is. When I see how He has altered the way you see and live your life, I am truly heartened, encouraged and grateful. And thank you, for not complaining when I drag you up to give me a lift to work.
Thank you, mostly, for loving an imperfect sister such as me. A couple of days ago, I was feeling really down, when I saw the lil ornament you had given me years ago which says:
"My Sister,
A golden string no one can see has bound us from the start;
My very precious sister;
It's Love that ties our hearts."
I could not help but tear at that. I thank God for giving me a brother and a brother in Christ in you. Siblings sometimes fight to no end, and people are constantly amazed that we are like close friends. Nothing short of one of the largest blessings God has bestowed me with, I would say.
So Happiest of Birthdays, my Dearest Little Brother. I hope you know how much you mean to me.
God bless you with His richest, and Immeasurably More.
In His love,
your lovely sister :)
And now for some memories of the lovely food at Etna @ Upper East Coast
Now, the order is entirely intentional (in my humble preference).
Linguine con CapesanteFlat pasta with scallops in a pink lobster sauce
I say yums! Can't say no to scallops and pink lobster.
Capricciosa
Tomato, mozarella cheese, boiled eggs, cooked ham
I give this a 7. Splatter some cheese and chilli, and it's 7.5
Pity about the crust, could have been harder and crunchier.
Linguine al Granchio e Crema de Aragosta
Flat pasta with crab meat in a pink lobster sauce
Don't ask me why but the sauce somehow tasted different!
I preferred the scallops version.
Etna
Mozzarella cheese, porcini mushrooms, parma ham,
cream cheese, pistachio (from Bronte in Sicily)
You would have thought a pizza named after the restaurant would be its signature dish.
Well, apparently not. It's its worst! (Are they trying to be funny here?)
In the words of my foodie sis expert, "very bland".
Vanilla and Chocolate Gelato
Earnest, but vanilla tastes sour.
Redeemed by the dark chocolate.
Vanilla and Hazelnut covered in Pistachio
Very Kinder Bueno to me. Not too bad!
I say yums! Can't say no to scallops and pink lobster.
CapricciosaTomato, mozarella cheese, boiled eggs, cooked ham
I give this a 7. Splatter some cheese and chilli, and it's 7.5
Pity about the crust, could have been harder and crunchier.
Linguine al Granchio e Crema de AragostaFlat pasta with crab meat in a pink lobster sauce
Don't ask me why but the sauce somehow tasted different!
I preferred the scallops version.
EtnaMozzarella cheese, porcini mushrooms, parma ham,
cream cheese, pistachio (from Bronte in Sicily)
You would have thought a pizza named after the restaurant would be its signature dish.
Well, apparently not. It's its worst! (Are they trying to be funny here?)
In the words of my foodie sis expert, "very bland".
Vanilla and Chocolate GelatoEarnest, but vanilla tastes sour.
Redeemed by the dark chocolate.
Vanilla and Hazelnut covered in PistachioVery Kinder Bueno to me. Not too bad!
I would give it an overall 7. Not fantastic, but for the prices (less than 20 per person), what more can you ask?
When joy is spelt F.O.O.D
Food cam-whoring day. So here goes. Not very many words are necessary. ;)
Seriously, did I really consume these in one day?
Beautiful thing is - praise the Lord - I don't care! Am truly grateful, once again, for this freedom to savour food. For He shall set you free, indeed.
Marinara Spaghettini at Canelé Pâtisserie Chocolaterie
Mussels, scallops, squids, prawns
cooked in white wine tomato sauce with chilli and Italian parsley
Great, fresh seafood; and above average pasta.
Nougatine Sweet Crepe
Filled with Nutella (!), salty caramel, caramelized Filo,
Nougatine ice cream (!!), vanilla crème chantilly
Killing me softly with Nougatine.
Not a fan of crepes, but this will so change your mind.
Abalone & Sliced Fish Congee
@ Crystal Jade
Need I say more?
Fried bean curd @ Crystal Jade
Not a tofu fan but this passes the test
Virgin tasting @ The Coffee Connoiseur
Yes, despite having one at the Fish Tank
Not as bad as rumours go, but some others taste better
(only IMHO, of course - can't get rid of the occupational hazard, can I.)
Unagi flavoured potato chips
Very unique. Very Japanese.
Very Yums; I meant Boomz (now I don't mean to be sarcastic, it is quite an apt word sometimes, don't you think?)
Also you get the very cheap thrill of pouring in the seaweed powder
and shaking it vigorously to your heart's content.
Just Perfect.
xx
claire.
Seriously, did I really consume these in one day?
Beautiful thing is - praise the Lord - I don't care! Am truly grateful, once again, for this freedom to savour food. For He shall set you free, indeed.
Marinara Spaghettini at Canelé Pâtisserie ChocolaterieMussels, scallops, squids, prawns
cooked in white wine tomato sauce with chilli and Italian parsley
Great, fresh seafood; and above average pasta.
Nougatine Sweet CrepeFilled with Nutella (!), salty caramel, caramelized Filo,
Nougatine ice cream (!!), vanilla crème chantilly
Killing me softly with Nougatine.
Not a fan of crepes, but this will so change your mind.
Abalone & Sliced Fish Congee@ Crystal Jade
Need I say more?
Fried bean curd @ Crystal JadeNot a tofu fan but this passes the test
Virgin tasting @ The Coffee ConnoiseurYes, despite having one at the Fish Tank
Not as bad as rumours go, but some others taste better
(only IMHO, of course - can't get rid of the occupational hazard, can I.)
Unagi flavoured potato chipsVery unique. Very Japanese.
Very Yums; I meant Boomz (now I don't mean to be sarcastic, it is quite an apt word sometimes, don't you think?)
Also you get the very cheap thrill of pouring in the seaweed powder
and shaking it vigorously to your heart's content.
Just Perfect.
xx
claire.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Come Home Running
Without going into too much detail, I must praise Him for His amazing grace.
Never in my life did I think I would get myself into a situation such as this. Suffice to say, I placed myself in a position much like what my earlier post described - a shortchanged place. From the start, he was so clearly wrong. Yet I dabbled into the gray area. Nevermind, Lord, it's too early to tell.
Always trust your gut. Apparently (and I can testify to that) your mind picks up silent signs, body language and what not, that contribute to this idea or feeling you have about someone, commonly known as a gut feel. It is not an unidentifiable or illogical 'feeling'; it's a combination of the subtle signs your body is wired to pick up; stuff you never knew was there, or perhaps you did but unconsciously blocked out.
I treasure His gift of forgiveness. And I am so, so grateful that He has lifted me right out of this. Before it is too late.
It is scary to know that my previous post spoke exactly of what happened a couple of days thereafter. It was as if God knew. Well, not as if. God knew. To be honest, I regret it deeply. It was surreal, and on hindsight, terribly troubling. It was as if I had turned into someone I didn't know, overnight. Hello, stranger, I do not like you.
But I would not change the experience, which I know happened for a reason. he was worldliness personified - good looks (being English, maybe it's a preference for all who look different), interesting personality, same job thus sharing some sort of understanding, affectionate - name what the world looks for, and you have it. Yet he does not have the basic decency in so many things; he does not have the fear and love for Christ or even human beings. Very importantly, he does not respect me (when I say no, I mean no) and I believe all other women previously in my position.
I compromised. I settled. I naively believed in what my best friend so aptly coined 'counterfeit oneness'. The trap that so many women fall for. I who genuinely believe I would never be "so stupid" was taught a lesson. These women are not stupid; they are merely looking for love. But sadly, in all the wrong places.
Coming out of this, I am grateful that He showed me what the world is like. That He has far, far, FAR better Hope and Plans for me. That He loves me. Despite my failure. Despite my stubborn straying. Despite my denial of Him. Despite that I was caught in the middle, "between the altar and the door". He found me, right in the middle.
It is funny. You spend so much time running away from Him. Perhaps out of fear, out of disappointment at what life had dealt you. You run and you run and you don't want to look back. Yet, when you are panting and exhausted and you feel like you could run no more, you find that home seems no further than that doorstep from which eons ago you had stepped out. You find that He is right there, with His arms wide open, whispering to you to please come home.
xx
claire
Never in my life did I think I would get myself into a situation such as this. Suffice to say, I placed myself in a position much like what my earlier post described - a shortchanged place. From the start, he was so clearly wrong. Yet I dabbled into the gray area. Nevermind, Lord, it's too early to tell.
Always trust your gut. Apparently (and I can testify to that) your mind picks up silent signs, body language and what not, that contribute to this idea or feeling you have about someone, commonly known as a gut feel. It is not an unidentifiable or illogical 'feeling'; it's a combination of the subtle signs your body is wired to pick up; stuff you never knew was there, or perhaps you did but unconsciously blocked out.
I treasure His gift of forgiveness. And I am so, so grateful that He has lifted me right out of this. Before it is too late.
It is scary to know that my previous post spoke exactly of what happened a couple of days thereafter. It was as if God knew. Well, not as if. God knew. To be honest, I regret it deeply. It was surreal, and on hindsight, terribly troubling. It was as if I had turned into someone I didn't know, overnight. Hello, stranger, I do not like you.
But I would not change the experience, which I know happened for a reason. he was worldliness personified - good looks (being English, maybe it's a preference for all who look different), interesting personality, same job thus sharing some sort of understanding, affectionate - name what the world looks for, and you have it. Yet he does not have the basic decency in so many things; he does not have the fear and love for Christ or even human beings. Very importantly, he does not respect me (when I say no, I mean no) and I believe all other women previously in my position.
I compromised. I settled. I naively believed in what my best friend so aptly coined 'counterfeit oneness'. The trap that so many women fall for. I who genuinely believe I would never be "so stupid" was taught a lesson. These women are not stupid; they are merely looking for love. But sadly, in all the wrong places.
Coming out of this, I am grateful that He showed me what the world is like. That He has far, far, FAR better Hope and Plans for me. That He loves me. Despite my failure. Despite my stubborn straying. Despite my denial of Him. Despite that I was caught in the middle, "between the altar and the door". He found me, right in the middle.
It is funny. You spend so much time running away from Him. Perhaps out of fear, out of disappointment at what life had dealt you. You run and you run and you don't want to look back. Yet, when you are panting and exhausted and you feel like you could run no more, you find that home seems no further than that doorstep from which eons ago you had stepped out. You find that He is right there, with His arms wide open, whispering to you to please come home.
Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame
Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road
So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are
Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, Daughter and Son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness
xx
claire
Monday, October 19, 2009
How Big is your God?
Uncanny, given that I was waiting to post part deux of my divine encounters with the Lord, that He blew me off my feet (once again) with this message. A bit long, but I needed to hear it.
How big is your God?
How big is your God?
Waiting for God’s "Immeasurably More"
Cindi McMenamin
"Lori looked away as she sat across the table from me and told me something she knew I didn't want to hear.
"It's not that bad. I was over-reacting. Besides, it's better to have a little pain with him at times, than to be alone."
Lori was choosing to stay in a dating relationship that was clearly unhealthy and unsafe. I knew God had more in store for Lori. But Lori apparently didn't believe that. And she was settling for far less than she should.
So often we, as women, settle. We think, at times, that it's better to stay with a boyfriend who mistreats us - verbally, emotionally, or physically - than to have no man in our lives at all. We reason that it's better to stay at a job that we hate, than to look and pray for something better. We would rather be around negative people who bring us down than to feel we have no friends at all. And when we settle like that, we are clearly saying to God and others that He is not capable of giving us anything better.
I remember feeling that way, too. I had just met the man of my dreams. But he lived 1,000 miles away. And my on-again, off-again boyfriend of four years lived just across town. That relationship was convenient. It was comfortable (for the most part…except when I was crying my eyes out!). And it was better to be with someone, than to be alone, I remember thinking.
It was my sister who finally burst my unbelieving bubble with the truth.
"If you settle for what you have now, you are denying God the opportunity to bless you with a man who will love you like He intends for you to be loved. Don't break God's heart that way, Cindi. Let Him bless you with His best for you."
My fear to make a change was denying God the opportunity to bless me? God used those words of my sister's to convince me to trust Him and walk out of an unhealthy dating relationship that was slowly drying up my soul. And as I did…God proved Himself true to His Word. God had something far better for me. He was just waiting for me to believe it.
In Ephesians 3:20, we are told that God is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."
In another translation, that verse reads: "God can do anything you know, far more than you can ask or think or imagine in your wildest dreams…." (The Message).
Now I can imagine quite a bit. I'm sure you can, too. And yet God promises to outdo far more than we can even imagine or dream up. That's pretty spectacular, if you really think about it. That gives us a glimpse of just how big and just how perfect our God is. He is a God who is able to do immeasurably more.
Are you settling for less? Do you know that you can do better in your dating relationship or your job or your present circumstance, but you just don't have the strength to make the change? Or are you holding onto something bearable because you feat God cannot bring you anything better?
Whether it be an unhealthy relationship or a job that is sucking the life out of you, you could be settling for second place when God has first place waiting for you in the wings.
Psalm 84:11 tells us "The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."
The God who counts the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30), and records your days in a book (Psalm 139:16), and has thoughts of you too numerable to mention (Psalm 139:17-18) wants to blow your expectations out of the water by coming through in a mighty way for you. So let me ask you: How big is your God? You answer that question by what you are willing to accept and what you are unwilling to expect.
Lori ended up trusting that God had immeasurably more for her. She asked some friends to stand by her and hold her accountable, and she gained the strength to walk out of her hurtful relationship. She believed she'd be walking into a realm of loneliness, but she trusted her Lord, anyway. Today she is happy, healthy and blessed beyond reason.
Expect immeasurably more, my friend, when it comes to God's plans and purposes for your life. For you have an immeasurably big God who is waiting for you to believe it."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Encounters So Divine - Part I
You know how it is, you could ask and knock and all you hear is God's "deafening silence". Yet when He speaks, He blows you away, so clearly so unmistakeably you know it could not be any one else. Much less your own imagination.
So here it is, a list of some of my divine encounters. Been meaning to put it down in writing for some time now. It is important to remember that He is faithful, even in the small things. Particularly in the small things.
1. The MRT Incident
It was midnight and I was on my way home. Don't ask me why but I looked around and took the short route - the lift that would bring me straight to the ground level so I don't have to go down an escalator and up another. It looked safe enough. It's always safe enough, in this country. Or so too many erroneously believe.
So I was waiting for the wonderfully creaky lift to move up from the ground level. It took forever. From the reflection, I saw a dark, seemingly dodgy man walk towards me. There was no one else around.
At that moment, the real life story I read some time ago came to mind. If you have not heard, it occurred I believe in the US. A woman - let's call her B for Blessed - walked through a dark alley, past some dodgy men, and reached home safe and sound. But the woman after her was assaulted. B was very curious and decided to ask the police to see if they could find out why from the assailants. And their response was, 'oh she had three huge bodyguards surrounding her.' They were angels! All B did was to utter a prayer to the Lord Most High, and He sent His angels to watch over her. Literally.
So that story appeared in my mind, while That Man walked stealthily towards me. Fear gripped my heart, because seriously he looked terribly iffy. Not a good place to be. Deserted lift with Dodgy Man. So I prayed very hard. And I heard a voice. I wouldn't say it was audible (i.e. if there was anyone else beside me, I don't believe he or she would have heard). But it was loud and clear in my mind.
"Turn around and look at him in the eye." The voice was powerful and commanding. Almost compelling. I stood rooted to the ground and thought: No way am I going to turn around! Are you kidding me? This guy looks dangerous.
Again the voice came. "Turn around and look at him in the eye." At that point, I was pretty certain it was the Lord. What with the story of the angels and the repeated command.
So I obeyed. 'Okay, Lord, I am freaked out, but if this is what You say, I will follow', I whispered to Him.
And I turned around slowly, and looked at Dodgy Man straight in the eye without blinking.
Dodgy Man paused and stopped short in his tracks, looked at me look at him, and Turned Around and Walked Away. Now that was a sure sign that he was up to no good!
Wow, huh? I was blown away. Completely. By God.
So it's 2.30am and I will continue with the next encounter, probably tomorrow.
Hold your breath, because the Lord, He is a living, breathing, caring and loving God. And He will never cease to amaze us with just how much He loves and cares for us.
Amen to that!
xx
Claire
So here it is, a list of some of my divine encounters. Been meaning to put it down in writing for some time now. It is important to remember that He is faithful, even in the small things. Particularly in the small things.
1. The MRT Incident
It was midnight and I was on my way home. Don't ask me why but I looked around and took the short route - the lift that would bring me straight to the ground level so I don't have to go down an escalator and up another. It looked safe enough. It's always safe enough, in this country. Or so too many erroneously believe.
So I was waiting for the wonderfully creaky lift to move up from the ground level. It took forever. From the reflection, I saw a dark, seemingly dodgy man walk towards me. There was no one else around.
At that moment, the real life story I read some time ago came to mind. If you have not heard, it occurred I believe in the US. A woman - let's call her B for Blessed - walked through a dark alley, past some dodgy men, and reached home safe and sound. But the woman after her was assaulted. B was very curious and decided to ask the police to see if they could find out why from the assailants. And their response was, 'oh she had three huge bodyguards surrounding her.' They were angels! All B did was to utter a prayer to the Lord Most High, and He sent His angels to watch over her. Literally.
So that story appeared in my mind, while That Man walked stealthily towards me. Fear gripped my heart, because seriously he looked terribly iffy. Not a good place to be. Deserted lift with Dodgy Man. So I prayed very hard. And I heard a voice. I wouldn't say it was audible (i.e. if there was anyone else beside me, I don't believe he or she would have heard). But it was loud and clear in my mind.
"Turn around and look at him in the eye." The voice was powerful and commanding. Almost compelling. I stood rooted to the ground and thought: No way am I going to turn around! Are you kidding me? This guy looks dangerous.
Again the voice came. "Turn around and look at him in the eye." At that point, I was pretty certain it was the Lord. What with the story of the angels and the repeated command.
So I obeyed. 'Okay, Lord, I am freaked out, but if this is what You say, I will follow', I whispered to Him.
And I turned around slowly, and looked at Dodgy Man straight in the eye without blinking.
Dodgy Man paused and stopped short in his tracks, looked at me look at him, and Turned Around and Walked Away. Now that was a sure sign that he was up to no good!
Wow, huh? I was blown away. Completely. By God.
So it's 2.30am and I will continue with the next encounter, probably tomorrow.
Hold your breath, because the Lord, He is a living, breathing, caring and loving God. And He will never cease to amaze us with just how much He loves and cares for us.
Amen to that!
xx
Claire
Monday, October 12, 2009
Good Enough for Him
I wept today, while crying out to the Lord.
For the past couple of weeks, I felt particularly far from Him.
I could not put my finger on what was causing it (or maybe I can).
My spirit was uneasy.
Prayers were brief, almost not quite sincere.
I felt He was "unfair" in so many ways.
Today, while I worshipped Him with "This Kingdom" (lyrics and music from Geoff Bullock) in the quietness of my room, something in me broke.
I felt Him say again what I need to hear over and over.
"I love you, my child."
He whispered. Quietly, but surely.
And that was enough for me.
Hours later, this message sank deeply within.
It's a message we all need, yet desperately do not seem to know.
So many times we let the world tell us: 'You are not good enough.'
'Not good enough to get good grades.'
'Not good enough to be a good parent.'
'Not good enough to do a good job.'
'Not good enough to be promoted.'
'Not good enough to get married.'
'Not good enough to be desired.'
'Not good enough to have close friends.'
'Not good enough to beat this illness.'
'Not good enough to be loved.'
"You are good enough for Me", says the Lord.
And if you, you, and each and every one of you, are good enough for the Maker of this universe, the God of heaven and earth, the Lord Jesus Christ, at whose Name every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that He is God, you are Good Enough.
Don't you let anyone tell you otherwise. (Note to self as well)
xx
claire
For the past couple of weeks, I felt particularly far from Him.
I could not put my finger on what was causing it (or maybe I can).
My spirit was uneasy.
Prayers were brief, almost not quite sincere.
I felt He was "unfair" in so many ways.
Today, while I worshipped Him with "This Kingdom" (lyrics and music from Geoff Bullock) in the quietness of my room, something in me broke.
I felt Him say again what I need to hear over and over.
"I love you, my child."
He whispered. Quietly, but surely.
And that was enough for me.
Hours later, this message sank deeply within.
It's a message we all need, yet desperately do not seem to know.
So many times we let the world tell us: 'You are not good enough.'
'Not good enough to get good grades.'
'Not good enough to be a good parent.'
'Not good enough to do a good job.'
'Not good enough to be promoted.'
'Not good enough to get married.'
'Not good enough to be desired.'
'Not good enough to have close friends.'
'Not good enough to beat this illness.'
'Not good enough to be loved.'
"You are good enough for Me", says the Lord.
And if you, you, and each and every one of you, are good enough for the Maker of this universe, the God of heaven and earth, the Lord Jesus Christ, at whose Name every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that He is God, you are Good Enough.
Don't you let anyone tell you otherwise. (Note to self as well)
xx
claire
Saturday, October 10, 2009
"We Are All Prophets Now"
I am officially suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Flash Forward! Oh, I need ABC to air Episode 4 like right now (okay, make that the entire season).
© Ron Tom/American Broadcasting Companies, Inc.
For those not in the know, Flash Forward is the newest series premiere rolled out by ABC Channel in the U.S. It tells the story of a global "black-out" for a brief two minute and seventeen seconds, where during this time, human beings see a flash forward or a vision of what they will be doing or what they will become six months on. Some see what they don't like, some see what they don't understand while some others don't see a thing and wonder if they will still be alive. And during that "black-out", there was massive world wide destruction: planes are dunked and cars crashed and humans drowned.
Amazing show. Most of all, it got me thinking. I'd admit that at some points in my journey through life, I'd asked God, "Why can't You just let me know in advance what will happen, so I can stop worrying, stop bothering, stop fearing, stop asking You for a wish that will never come true?"
So in an unexpected way, the show gave me my answer. Or rather, God made it obvious through the brilliance of the novel writer (the original plot came from a book) that we human beings, in our finite (although sometimes we naively believe infinite) state of intelligence and emotional capacity, are not able to comprehend. We are simply not able to deal with this "knowing". We will end up living our lives according to the "future"; frightened to death if it's something we don't wish to see; consumed by what we know and perhaps living each day trying so hard to avoid what is to come.
What if you knew that six months down the road, your marriage will end? When all seems fine and dandy with your spouse at this moment. What if you knew that ten years later, you will die in a car crash? What if you long all your life for a spouse, but twenty years later, you see yourself living and dying alone? What if all your life you longed to get out of poverty, but you know that five years later, you will still be living from hand to mouth, worrying unceasingly where your next meal will come from?
Will you still trust God, that He knows best? Will you still love Him?
It's funny; it's just a show, they say. A sci-fi flick. But I say the Lord speaks through medium you don't expect, through people, events or shows that you don't imagine He ever would. And I feel very satisfied with my prayer answer today. That He has shown me so clearly, through a Very Awesome Show, that He knows best. A Lot Better than we give Him credit for.
In other news: I love cravings. Nah, I mean I love satisfying cravings. Aren't we carnal creatures, all. Here are some of my favourite cravings, when satisfied (of course) as they usually are almost daily. :)
I LOVE Real Coca-Cola.
The Lovely Darling Sits Happily Half-Drunk on My Office Computer.
(Don't be too appalled by the Hello Kitty ornament)
Manhatten Fish Market @ Central Rocks.
Could not resist polishing off all ze fries!
To satisfied cravings!
xx
claire
© Ron Tom/American Broadcasting Companies, Inc.For those not in the know, Flash Forward is the newest series premiere rolled out by ABC Channel in the U.S. It tells the story of a global "black-out" for a brief two minute and seventeen seconds, where during this time, human beings see a flash forward or a vision of what they will be doing or what they will become six months on. Some see what they don't like, some see what they don't understand while some others don't see a thing and wonder if they will still be alive. And during that "black-out", there was massive world wide destruction: planes are dunked and cars crashed and humans drowned.
Amazing show. Most of all, it got me thinking. I'd admit that at some points in my journey through life, I'd asked God, "Why can't You just let me know in advance what will happen, so I can stop worrying, stop bothering, stop fearing, stop asking You for a wish that will never come true?"
So in an unexpected way, the show gave me my answer. Or rather, God made it obvious through the brilliance of the novel writer (the original plot came from a book) that we human beings, in our finite (although sometimes we naively believe infinite) state of intelligence and emotional capacity, are not able to comprehend. We are simply not able to deal with this "knowing". We will end up living our lives according to the "future"; frightened to death if it's something we don't wish to see; consumed by what we know and perhaps living each day trying so hard to avoid what is to come.
What if you knew that six months down the road, your marriage will end? When all seems fine and dandy with your spouse at this moment. What if you knew that ten years later, you will die in a car crash? What if you long all your life for a spouse, but twenty years later, you see yourself living and dying alone? What if all your life you longed to get out of poverty, but you know that five years later, you will still be living from hand to mouth, worrying unceasingly where your next meal will come from?
Will you still trust God, that He knows best? Will you still love Him?
It's funny; it's just a show, they say. A sci-fi flick. But I say the Lord speaks through medium you don't expect, through people, events or shows that you don't imagine He ever would. And I feel very satisfied with my prayer answer today. That He has shown me so clearly, through a Very Awesome Show, that He knows best. A Lot Better than we give Him credit for.
In other news: I love cravings. Nah, I mean I love satisfying cravings. Aren't we carnal creatures, all. Here are some of my favourite cravings, when satisfied (of course) as they usually are almost daily. :)
I LOVE Real Coca-Cola.The Lovely Darling Sits Happily Half-Drunk on My Office Computer.
(Don't be too appalled by the Hello Kitty ornament)
Manhatten Fish Market @ Central Rocks.Could not resist polishing off all ze fries!
Sure made the Very Lengthy Wait in the car for the Mass Lantern Walk to pass us by, all worth it.
(Seriously though, Mass Lantern Walk in the middle of roads smacked all across Chinatown, on a Saturday night? What were the organisers thinking?)
(Seriously though, Mass Lantern Walk in the middle of roads smacked all across Chinatown, on a Saturday night? What were the organisers thinking?)
Hearts and Love to Moi Dark Chocolate. What would I do without you?
The Best Matcha Ice-Cream (that you could get from a supermarket)
Mmm..
Surprisingly Good!
Fresh, fresh, FRESH Sashimi @ the Jap place beside Asian Kitchen at Raffles Place
(Sieve for a Memory Me forgot the name again)
The Best Matcha Ice-Cream (that you could get from a supermarket)Mmm..
Surprisingly Good!Fresh, fresh, FRESH Sashimi @ the Jap place beside Asian Kitchen at Raffles Place
(Sieve for a Memory Me forgot the name again)
To satisfied cravings!
xx
claire
Mad Typist Me (Without Caffeine)
98 words
Check this out! There are just, oh over a couple of thousand people, who type faster than me. And I thought I was a geek. ;)
xx
claire
Monday, September 28, 2009
For crying out loud
8.7 kg baby born in a North Sumatra province a couple of days ago (beside a 2.3 kg lil one).
Love this pic. Big or small, we are all beautiful ones brought into this world by the hand of the Lord. If only we could remember this each step of our way.
Monday, September 21, 2009
All the same inside
Funny, how we are all the same inside.
I could be male and you female or we could be of the same gender.
You could be an extrovert and I an introvert, according to Myers-Briggs at least.
To the world, I could be sullen and you cheerful.
We could be miles apart or right beside each other.
We could be of the same race or you could be black and I white, or you white and I yellow.
We could go to the same school and work in the same place.
Or you could be what the world sees as poor in a village in Nepal and I could be what the world sees as rich in a penthouse in Upper Manhattan.
We could be as different as the East is from the West.
Yet.
We think the same thoughts, feel the same emotions and dream the same dreams.
We hope to make the same connection, get hurt by the same callousness and ache and heal in the same way.
We fear the same fears and long for the same rainbow.
We are overwhelmed by the same thoughtfulness and are made fragile by the same love.
We are stung by the same sarcasm and are drawn to the same genuine souls.
We are flooded by the same questions and are heartened by the same revelation.
We are grieved by perhaps varied experiences yet which when torn apart cuts to the same disappointment and discontentment.
You and me, we are built to run on the same petrol.
On His love.
xx
claire
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Missing unreality
The night owl is on the prowl. Bed time calls out, but fails miserably as I insist on writing. Note to self: Bad habits must be axed before I age uncontrollably. Standing joke between me and a dear friend that we may wake up one fine day and find that we have aged 20 years overnight. Acceleration you know, after all those stubborn, unnecessarily late nights.
So I have been posting quite a bit - in secret. Posts that remain in draft form and are not published. I realise I am very much a private person afterall. Part of what keeps this blog going is the (perhaps foolish) belief that not very many people are reading and this pretty much documents my deepest thoughts that are locked up safely in cyberspace. Yet there are thoughts that I would rather remain with myself, for now. Perhaps I will share when ready.
Anonymity. It is a treasured thing. Very much taken for granted, and very much cherished when lost. Ask them celebrities; I am certain they will not cease nodding.
In other news, I love a great tui na massage and a miracle facial. Pampered to death today. Love spa-ing (forgive the non-english word). It brings me for that little moment a glimpse of heaven. So now you know, I am a superficial, pretentious yuppie...
Well, seriously, I have never been more tense in the past 20ish years of my life, as I have been in the last five. The latter spent working, obviously. The Lovely Masseuse from China - sleazy sounding, but she is really this wonderfully chatty lady who works miracles with her nimble hands - found out today, after almost a year of dishing out her power massages to yours truly, my occupation in the real world.
"Oh. You know, I have some other customers who are lawyers too."
"And all of their bodies are like yours!"
"You must fight a war, everyday."
True. I go to war everyday, and pray there isn't an unexpected landmine that blows up in your face. With no intention of griping, I do wonder, yet again, if there is an end to this all. My poor physical body, at least, is crying out for mercy.
Lovely Chinese Masseuse has changed my mind about those from her homeland. I would admit to deep prejudice, based on various reasons and experiences. So yes, I am ashamed at stereotyping once again. Don't we all need a little wake up call from our preconceived notions of so many people, of so many things, and of Him and how we expect Him to move in our lives. As I commented in another blog, the beauty of being human is that we could not be boxed in. And so much more, the Lord.
It's been a mish mash of thoughts. But that is pretty much where I am on a very early Saturday morning. With Cotton Wool for a Brain. Cannot wait to catch up with a Dearest Friend tomorrow. One of the precious gems in my life that keeps me going.
xx
claire.
So I have been posting quite a bit - in secret. Posts that remain in draft form and are not published. I realise I am very much a private person afterall. Part of what keeps this blog going is the (perhaps foolish) belief that not very many people are reading and this pretty much documents my deepest thoughts that are locked up safely in cyberspace. Yet there are thoughts that I would rather remain with myself, for now. Perhaps I will share when ready.
Anonymity. It is a treasured thing. Very much taken for granted, and very much cherished when lost. Ask them celebrities; I am certain they will not cease nodding.
In other news, I love a great tui na massage and a miracle facial. Pampered to death today. Love spa-ing (forgive the non-english word). It brings me for that little moment a glimpse of heaven. So now you know, I am a superficial, pretentious yuppie...
Well, seriously, I have never been more tense in the past 20ish years of my life, as I have been in the last five. The latter spent working, obviously. The Lovely Masseuse from China - sleazy sounding, but she is really this wonderfully chatty lady who works miracles with her nimble hands - found out today, after almost a year of dishing out her power massages to yours truly, my occupation in the real world.
"Oh. You know, I have some other customers who are lawyers too."
"And all of their bodies are like yours!"
"You must fight a war, everyday."
True. I go to war everyday, and pray there isn't an unexpected landmine that blows up in your face. With no intention of griping, I do wonder, yet again, if there is an end to this all. My poor physical body, at least, is crying out for mercy.
Lovely Chinese Masseuse has changed my mind about those from her homeland. I would admit to deep prejudice, based on various reasons and experiences. So yes, I am ashamed at stereotyping once again. Don't we all need a little wake up call from our preconceived notions of so many people, of so many things, and of Him and how we expect Him to move in our lives. As I commented in another blog, the beauty of being human is that we could not be boxed in. And so much more, the Lord.
It's been a mish mash of thoughts. But that is pretty much where I am on a very early Saturday morning. With Cotton Wool for a Brain. Cannot wait to catch up with a Dearest Friend tomorrow. One of the precious gems in my life that keeps me going.
xx
claire.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Waiting
I spent pretty much a lot of my life waiting.
Waiting for the Lord to move mighty miracles.
Visible ones, please. With eyes closed and hands clasped, I whispered to Him.
I need to know that You are there.
Over the years, I find myself still waiting.
This time around, with the wait, comes peace.
Not a 'knowing' that He will grant me precisely what is asked.
But a conviction that all things will work for the good of those who love Him.
Not as much as I'd like. But assuredly, I can say: anxiety, it ceased.
Believing what you do not (yet) see. Foolish, perhaps, to some.
But that is what faith - cut away religiosity and playing church - is all about, isn't it?
So today, I do not pretend that I'm not waiting, still.
Knocking, still. Asking, still.
Today, a very dear friend dropped a note.
Life updates. And sharing about the pain.
The pain that came because that waiting apparently ceased.
Sarah and Haggai: will we never learn?
Today waiting continues.
The Lord will move mightily. He is the same, yesterday, today and forevermore.
He promised to come. And He will. To bring us to a place, where tears are no more.
Blessed hope, it's all I have, and it's all I will ever need.
xx
claire.
Waiting for the Lord to move mighty miracles.
Visible ones, please. With eyes closed and hands clasped, I whispered to Him.
I need to know that You are there.
Over the years, I find myself still waiting.
This time around, with the wait, comes peace.
Not a 'knowing' that He will grant me precisely what is asked.
But a conviction that all things will work for the good of those who love Him.
Not as much as I'd like. But assuredly, I can say: anxiety, it ceased.
Believing what you do not (yet) see. Foolish, perhaps, to some.
But that is what faith - cut away religiosity and playing church - is all about, isn't it?
So today, I do not pretend that I'm not waiting, still.
Knocking, still. Asking, still.
Today, a very dear friend dropped a note.
Life updates. And sharing about the pain.
The pain that came because that waiting apparently ceased.
Sarah and Haggai: will we never learn?
Today waiting continues.
The Lord will move mightily. He is the same, yesterday, today and forevermore.
He promised to come. And He will. To bring us to a place, where tears are no more.
Blessed hope, it's all I have, and it's all I will ever need.
xx
claire.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
In Celebration of Food, Glorious Food
This refusal to sleep. It's insane.
Anyhow, I am celebrating food today. Glorious food. Not simply food. Each picture reminds me of a loved one I shared the dish with. Of the memories, of the conversations and the pure comfort and joy in each other's company. Most of all, I celebrate the freedom the Lord has given me - to enjoy food, without worrying a single ounce regarding my weight. That mental jail that I never thought I could possibly escape from? Literally non-existent. Gone. Forevermore. In His name. Praise the Lord.
So perhaps this explains my penchant in recent times to take photos of my meals. They warm me. Reminds me that I don't count calories when I eat. Reminds me that the days of imprisonment are over. No more are the minutes where I retreat into that shell of mine, drifting off from conversations to count calories. Seriously, life is more than that.
To freedom. To the truth. To miracles. To Him whose name is above every other name. To Him who can do exceedingly, abundantly, above all than you can ever hope or imagine.
Cheers.
Claire.
Din Tai Fung. Enough said.
Love love love their xiao long bao! xx
Spicy crabmeat. Limited edition.
love and hugs to my sweetest juiciest spiciest crabmeat baby.
Get. It. Now.
Chicken + Mushroom in to die for Japanese curry
Pasta de Waraku: no one does it better.
Irrahshaeemaseh...burp.
Chicken + Egg in their signature Wafu sauce.
Done differently on days. Wetter version trumps.
Grilled sotong in black ink sauce.
Lovely, crunchy end-off to that pasta.
Cappucino happily drenched in chocolate.
Sin never tasted sweeter.
Lao Beijing's version of the humble bao.
I'd go with DTF, anytime. Of course, this could be my not-a-fan-of-pork self speaking. So don't mind my biased take (or blatant attempt at CYA).
Afternoon snack; lovely mummy warmth. I love her, to bits.
Sashimi drenched in wasabi drenched in soya sauce drenched in ze mouth of yours truly, amidst some sticky Japanese rice. *Love love love and satisfaction.*
Sweet catching up with a long-time friend in the Lord today. God reminds me, yet again, that it is so important for two to connect in Him. Without the Lord holding the relationship together, really, what is it based on? If he is not of the Lord, he is of the devil -- there is no middle ground. It is at once humbling and jolting, to be taught that truth.
Tempura, sushi set (I think) Forgot the name!
To make up for it: food's great, service's fast. Sit at the counter, near the chefs, to avoid the noise.
Check it out now, along Market Street.
Perfect End to a Friday. Loved ones, warmth, laughter, Japanese seafood curry (Pasta de Waraku; alright I'm a sucker: they are good!).
3:43am and I am tired but joyful. And immensely thankful.
Anyhow, I am celebrating food today. Glorious food. Not simply food. Each picture reminds me of a loved one I shared the dish with. Of the memories, of the conversations and the pure comfort and joy in each other's company. Most of all, I celebrate the freedom the Lord has given me - to enjoy food, without worrying a single ounce regarding my weight. That mental jail that I never thought I could possibly escape from? Literally non-existent. Gone. Forevermore. In His name. Praise the Lord.
So perhaps this explains my penchant in recent times to take photos of my meals. They warm me. Reminds me that I don't count calories when I eat. Reminds me that the days of imprisonment are over. No more are the minutes where I retreat into that shell of mine, drifting off from conversations to count calories. Seriously, life is more than that.
To freedom. To the truth. To miracles. To Him whose name is above every other name. To Him who can do exceedingly, abundantly, above all than you can ever hope or imagine.
Cheers.
Claire.
Din Tai Fung. Enough said.Love love love their xiao long bao! xx
Spicy crabmeat. Limited edition.love and hugs to my sweetest juiciest spiciest crabmeat baby.
Get. It. Now.
Chicken + Mushroom in to die for Japanese curryPasta de Waraku: no one does it better.
Irrahshaeemaseh...burp.
Chicken + Egg in their signature Wafu sauce.Done differently on days. Wetter version trumps.
Grilled sotong in black ink sauce.Lovely, crunchy end-off to that pasta.
Cappucino happily drenched in chocolate.
Sin never tasted sweeter.
Lao Beijing's version of the humble bao.I'd go with DTF, anytime. Of course, this could be my not-a-fan-of-pork self speaking. So don't mind my biased take (or blatant attempt at CYA).
Afternoon snack; lovely mummy warmth. I love her, to bits.
Sashimi drenched in wasabi drenched in soya sauce drenched in ze mouth of yours truly, amidst some sticky Japanese rice. *Love love love and satisfaction.*
Sweet catching up with a long-time friend in the Lord today. God reminds me, yet again, that it is so important for two to connect in Him. Without the Lord holding the relationship together, really, what is it based on? If he is not of the Lord, he is of the devil -- there is no middle ground. It is at once humbling and jolting, to be taught that truth.
Tempura, sushi set (I think) Forgot the name!To make up for it: food's great, service's fast. Sit at the counter, near the chefs, to avoid the noise.
Check it out now, along Market Street.
Perfect End to a Friday. Loved ones, warmth, laughter, Japanese seafood curry (Pasta de Waraku; alright I'm a sucker: they are good!).3:43am and I am tired but joyful. And immensely thankful.
Said meal with friend today reminded me again. Disappointments are here, to stay. That's life, and in this life, God says, we will have trouble. But one cannot deny Him. At least, I cannot. Tried. (Ashamedly but admittedly true) But couldn't. Once you have tasted what is good and pure and true, you could never turn your back away from Him. Perhaps you may stumble and fall. And languish in your perceived sad state of being. But after a while, you see His hand move and even if you don't, you feel and you hear His heart speak. Whisper, maybe. But surely, you hear His still, small voice. Deny him, we can't. Because we are lovingly made by Him, our Creator and the Lover of Our Soul.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Being in an Esau place
The story of Esau. Ain't it hilarious, to lose your birthright for bread and stew (of lentils no less)?
Laugh no more. I chide myself nowadays. It is commonplace. Increasingly where I do not wish to be. Perhaps it is impatience? Perhaps it is the lack of faith, smaller than - alas - a mustard seed? Or perhaps I have looked at the stormy waters and stumbled before I could see the Lord reaching out with His arms before me.
I do not know. It is at once baffling and humbling that throughout history, His Word records de ja vu three hundred and sixty five times over (once for each day of the calendar year). Yet we never learn. I never learn.
When you are tested, you shall come forth as gold. To that truth I hang. Till the day words like these ring true: My God is able to deliver me. Even if He does not, I will not bow down to your golden calf, O man. Grieve the Holy Spirit, I will not.
claire.
Laugh no more. I chide myself nowadays. It is commonplace. Increasingly where I do not wish to be. Perhaps it is impatience? Perhaps it is the lack of faith, smaller than - alas - a mustard seed? Or perhaps I have looked at the stormy waters and stumbled before I could see the Lord reaching out with His arms before me.
I do not know. It is at once baffling and humbling that throughout history, His Word records de ja vu three hundred and sixty five times over (once for each day of the calendar year). Yet we never learn. I never learn.
When you are tested, you shall come forth as gold. To that truth I hang. Till the day words like these ring true: My God is able to deliver me. Even if He does not, I will not bow down to your golden calf, O man. Grieve the Holy Spirit, I will not.
claire.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Ties that bind
So here we are again - I have 12 minutes to blog this. All these time lines are making me nervous; or rather, they make me nervous all day long. Not surprising, given that I am required to clock what I do by a three-minute time block. Always amusing (the first time), how many clients revert to say, "What did we speak on again that day, which you charged 6 minutes for?"
Anyhow, here is an attempt at a jumbled crossword puzzle of thoughts pieced together under the constraints of time.
Ties that bind.
Walking, quickly, half-sprinting, perhaps, to the pantry today, I ran into the Kind Partner, W. He was deeply engrossed in making a fine brew of green tea (not all in the fish tank are addicts, you know). "Hello!", I blurted out in a three-quarter chirpy, one-quarter sleepy, tone. W looked up and smiled his toothy grin. "How are you?" - the same words could come out so differently, when said by some and some others. "I'm good. How about you?", it was politeness more than anything else. W is a really nice guy, but he is no-nonsense and I know he works hard and efficiently during the day just so he could go home to his family. "Don't make small talk; he's probably rushing back to his desk.", I noted silently.
So who would know that the conversation flowed for the next 15 minutes, without ceasing. We bonded - over the Lord. He told me how his three children were healed, miraculously, by His grace and with no help of medical science, of their illnesses. Clear health scans, despite otherwise sad news prior to the healing sessions. Praise God. Praise Him for His goodness, for He never, never, fails. As for me, I told him how God delivered me from spiritual disturbance - I almost forgot if I didn't bring it up earlier - a good ten years ago. God wants me - us - to remember His deeds, His love and His miracles in our lives. Because we forget, too easily we forget.
We bonded over our ties in God.
Amazing, don't you think - I could hold the same 15 minute conversation with another colleague; or make it an hour-long conversation if you will, and it would never be the same. We could go round in circles, exchanging firm 'gossip' (you know, who quit, who's doing what huge deal (seriously, who cares) and which Partner loves which Associate, who's making Partner soon - yada yada.) - you forget the conversation the moment you get out. You can't wait to.
I thank God today for reminding me again, that all things are made new in Him. And all of His children will bond in Him. That all relationships strive because of Him. That without Him, we are nothing. That in Him and with Him and through Him, I can do all things.
So I exceeded my time line by 3 minutes. But you know, things of God could never be bound by time or anything else, for that matter. :)
Till next time.
xx
claire.
Anyhow, here is an attempt at a jumbled crossword puzzle of thoughts pieced together under the constraints of time.
Ties that bind.
Walking, quickly, half-sprinting, perhaps, to the pantry today, I ran into the Kind Partner, W. He was deeply engrossed in making a fine brew of green tea (not all in the fish tank are addicts, you know). "Hello!", I blurted out in a three-quarter chirpy, one-quarter sleepy, tone. W looked up and smiled his toothy grin. "How are you?" - the same words could come out so differently, when said by some and some others. "I'm good. How about you?", it was politeness more than anything else. W is a really nice guy, but he is no-nonsense and I know he works hard and efficiently during the day just so he could go home to his family. "Don't make small talk; he's probably rushing back to his desk.", I noted silently.
So who would know that the conversation flowed for the next 15 minutes, without ceasing. We bonded - over the Lord. He told me how his three children were healed, miraculously, by His grace and with no help of medical science, of their illnesses. Clear health scans, despite otherwise sad news prior to the healing sessions. Praise God. Praise Him for His goodness, for He never, never, fails. As for me, I told him how God delivered me from spiritual disturbance - I almost forgot if I didn't bring it up earlier - a good ten years ago. God wants me - us - to remember His deeds, His love and His miracles in our lives. Because we forget, too easily we forget.
We bonded over our ties in God.
Amazing, don't you think - I could hold the same 15 minute conversation with another colleague; or make it an hour-long conversation if you will, and it would never be the same. We could go round in circles, exchanging firm 'gossip' (you know, who quit, who's doing what huge deal (seriously, who cares) and which Partner loves which Associate, who's making Partner soon - yada yada.) - you forget the conversation the moment you get out. You can't wait to.
I thank God today for reminding me again, that all things are made new in Him. And all of His children will bond in Him. That all relationships strive because of Him. That without Him, we are nothing. That in Him and with Him and through Him, I can do all things.
So I exceeded my time line by 3 minutes. But you know, things of God could never be bound by time or anything else, for that matter. :)
Till next time.
xx
claire.
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Perfect Fit
You know how it is - moments when some say it better than you do. Today's such a day and I leave it to His child to reflect my thoughts on the one too prevalent thing I see, in myself and others: a God-shaped vacuum.
"As a little girl, I had longed for a daddy to pick me up, swing me around, and tell me I was lovely and loved. When this childhood longing went unmet, it became an adult emptiness and brokenness that drove me to seek out all kinds of misguided remedies.
My primary remedy was to look for someone or something that would make me feel loved and significant. It's as if I carried around a little heart-shaped cup and extended it to whatever or whomever I perceived might fill it.
I presented the cup to my education: "Will you fill me?"
I offered it to my husband: "Will you fill me?"
I held it out to my child: "Will you fill me?"
I extended it to my material possessions: "Will you fill me?"
I presented it to each of my jobs: "Will you fill me?"
Within these questions were many more entanglements: "Will you right all my wrongs?" "Will you fill up my insecurities?" "Will you make me feel significant?" The more I offered my emptiness hoping something could fill it, the more frustrated I felt.
And when I had grown in my faith, I was especially perplexed. Wasn't being a Christian supposed to fix these kinds of issues in my heart? What was I missing?
Have you ever been there?
Why is it so tempting to look to things of this world for fulfillment? This notion that worldly things can fulfill is all around us. It's on TV, the focus of countless secular songs, and it's what dominates American advertisements. I can't even stand in the grocery store checkout lane without being bombarded with suggestions for a more fulfilling life. A better husband. A better body. A better career. A more beautifully decorated house. The magazines seem so slick, their promises so enticing. They sneak into our thought processes and make us think, "If only I had _______________, I'd be so happy. I'd be so fulfilled."
So, we chase and chase until we bankrupt our relationships, our bank accounts, and our very souls. The reality is every single thing the world offers is temporary. No person, possession, profession, or position can ever fill the cup of a wounded, empty heart--not my heart, not your heart. It's an emptiness only God can fill.
Whatever "if only I had" statement we are struggling with, we can replace it with solid truths from Scripture that will never leave us empty. It's a bold statement to make and might even sound a bit trite, but it's true.
When God's Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs, and our desires. Our soul was tailor made to be filled with God and His truth; therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills us completely. It is the only perfect fit."
- Lysa TerKeurstMonday, August 24, 2009
Missing that connection
A couple of weeks ago, amidst dollops of fresh udon and mouthfuls of chirashi don at a fine dining Japanese restaurant in town (maybe not so fine dining, but the prices pretend to be), a dear old friend, R, and I concluded that we miss the good old secondary school and junior college days. Of what, we could not initially put our fingers on. Finally, dear lovely R hit the nail on the head: "I miss that connection."
Still happily dipping said chirashi in large saucer filled to the brim to almost overflowing with soya sauce and a huge lump of wasabi, I was partly listening to the conversation and partly to the hunger pangs that could not cease embarrassing me. "Huh?", as I furiously dipped my salmon, overturned it and drenched it further in yet more wasabi. This place serves some terrific sashimi; I'm convinced they are air-flown from Japan.
"I miss that connection. You know, when we were younger and could so easily connect with another."
R got me there. Indeed: it was not too long ago when we were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When things were simple, people were simple - when they smile, they are smiling (that sounds superfluous but really, if you meet an everyday shark like I do, it's not), when you could confide in your next-door neighbour at Physics lab and you know he or she will not tell it all, will not judge you, and will be your friend (as Oxford dictionary defines it, not the society as it does now).
I miss that connection, too.
Lunch today reaffirmed that loss. Seated across each other in a tiny pseudo food court filled with loud, incessant chatter and a cacophony of noises (some gossip, mostly complaints) across the various tightly intertwined 45cm x 60cm tables (alright, I am no mathematician but you get the point), the claustrophic environment does nothing to hide the lack of conversation and the pathetic effort at making any. Let's just eat and get back to the office - you could almost hear the hushed grunts of our hearts as we stared deeply into our chicken rice and fish noodles soup, wishing they would hurry up and disappear into our tummies so we could just return and finish our work and leave the d*mned office for the day. Collegiality. Colleagues. Alliteration could never bring the two any closer, could it?
I miss that connection, so much.
claire.
Still happily dipping said chirashi in large saucer filled to the brim to almost overflowing with soya sauce and a huge lump of wasabi, I was partly listening to the conversation and partly to the hunger pangs that could not cease embarrassing me. "Huh?", as I furiously dipped my salmon, overturned it and drenched it further in yet more wasabi. This place serves some terrific sashimi; I'm convinced they are air-flown from Japan.
"I miss that connection. You know, when we were younger and could so easily connect with another."
R got me there. Indeed: it was not too long ago when we were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When things were simple, people were simple - when they smile, they are smiling (that sounds superfluous but really, if you meet an everyday shark like I do, it's not), when you could confide in your next-door neighbour at Physics lab and you know he or she will not tell it all, will not judge you, and will be your friend (as Oxford dictionary defines it, not the society as it does now).
I miss that connection, too.
Lunch today reaffirmed that loss. Seated across each other in a tiny pseudo food court filled with loud, incessant chatter and a cacophony of noises (some gossip, mostly complaints) across the various tightly intertwined 45cm x 60cm tables (alright, I am no mathematician but you get the point), the claustrophic environment does nothing to hide the lack of conversation and the pathetic effort at making any. Let's just eat and get back to the office - you could almost hear the hushed grunts of our hearts as we stared deeply into our chicken rice and fish noodles soup, wishing they would hurry up and disappear into our tummies so we could just return and finish our work and leave the d*mned office for the day. Collegiality. Colleagues. Alliteration could never bring the two any closer, could it?
I miss that connection, so much.
claire.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Food poisoning and some 'put-pocketing'
So a double bout of food poisoning of late taught me what I knew but never really knew: without health you have nothing.
Funny how a Client (one of the nicest ever, Mr R from a certain huge bank) told me the same thing last week - "to take care of my health and spend more time with family". Before you think - it's not so bad being a lawyer if your clients are angels. Pause now, take a deep breath: back to earth now children. He is one in a trillion. Of all the clients I've met to date, easily one of the almost extinct genuinely nice souls.
I digress. Food poisoning. Granted, it might not be life-threatening in many cases. But it has to be ranked as one of the worst ailments ever. Honestly, I never felt like dying this much. You throw up, your stomach is perpetually crampy and in pain (with what you don't know since you cannot consume any solid nor liquid), you cannot cease visiting the washroom (in a very civilised manner of speaking), your fever refuses to go away, your head throbs so badly it threatens to split, you cannot eat - anything and everything makes you nauseous, you wish you are dead so you sleep and you sleep and you sleep. And you sleep some more. Until you are that tad well enough to lift yourself out of bed and get to a doctor. You get the point. All that because of some bad beef (before Cambodia) and who knows what (after Cambodia).
Yet I thank the Lord for this. It made me see that I have all this while perhaps not entirely unconsciously taken my health and perceived youth for granted. I've subject my physical body to so much stress and dare I say torment - the lack of sleep, the endless hours of heightened adrenalin, the severe overdose of caffeine, and the lack of sleep and yet more lack of sleep. Sometimes it's inevitable - you either sleep or you be responsible and do your job well so perhaps some bank can make more money but since it's your job you answer to God and not to man so you jolly well do it well. I have no complaints about that. I came into this with eyes wide open.
But on the other hand, I admit I keep late nights even when I'm not working. Because of all those hours spent working, I felt compelled to milk every other second to do something else: be it meals with loved ones, some serious shopping therapy, chilling out with friends, watching a movie, or reading a good book notwithstanding that it's 4am and the poor body is calling out to please let it sleep already. Yet in that blind pursuit of what an enriching life appears to be, I've let my body go. So through this, I felt the Lord say: my body is His temple and it's time I start taking care of it.
In other news, London is promoting "put-pocketing". Part of an advertising campaign of a mobile phone operator (what's the link again?) which will be extended to other parts of Britain next month. Self-proclaimed reformed pick-pockets play Santa and distribute a grand 100,000 pounds (no there is no typo) by dropping cash into the pockets or handbags of unsuspecting passer-bys on the streets of London such as Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square and Oxford Circus. How very intelligent an idea, given that it promotes the same stealth and 'skills' as pickpocketing and while they are at it these reformed ones say they feel less guilty about taking money out from peoples' pockets all these years (so now there's a cure to crime?). Anyhow, if you are headed for the UK, go hunt down those "Rejoice! Put pockets operate in this area" signs, loiter and go nuts! Tell me if you make more than 20 pounds.
xx
claire.
Funny how a Client (one of the nicest ever, Mr R from a certain huge bank) told me the same thing last week - "to take care of my health and spend more time with family". Before you think - it's not so bad being a lawyer if your clients are angels. Pause now, take a deep breath: back to earth now children. He is one in a trillion. Of all the clients I've met to date, easily one of the almost extinct genuinely nice souls.
I digress. Food poisoning. Granted, it might not be life-threatening in many cases. But it has to be ranked as one of the worst ailments ever. Honestly, I never felt like dying this much. You throw up, your stomach is perpetually crampy and in pain (with what you don't know since you cannot consume any solid nor liquid), you cannot cease visiting the washroom (in a very civilised manner of speaking), your fever refuses to go away, your head throbs so badly it threatens to split, you cannot eat - anything and everything makes you nauseous, you wish you are dead so you sleep and you sleep and you sleep. And you sleep some more. Until you are that tad well enough to lift yourself out of bed and get to a doctor. You get the point. All that because of some bad beef (before Cambodia) and who knows what (after Cambodia).
Yet I thank the Lord for this. It made me see that I have all this while perhaps not entirely unconsciously taken my health and perceived youth for granted. I've subject my physical body to so much stress and dare I say torment - the lack of sleep, the endless hours of heightened adrenalin, the severe overdose of caffeine, and the lack of sleep and yet more lack of sleep. Sometimes it's inevitable - you either sleep or you be responsible and do your job well so perhaps some bank can make more money but since it's your job you answer to God and not to man so you jolly well do it well. I have no complaints about that. I came into this with eyes wide open.
But on the other hand, I admit I keep late nights even when I'm not working. Because of all those hours spent working, I felt compelled to milk every other second to do something else: be it meals with loved ones, some serious shopping therapy, chilling out with friends, watching a movie, or reading a good book notwithstanding that it's 4am and the poor body is calling out to please let it sleep already. Yet in that blind pursuit of what an enriching life appears to be, I've let my body go. So through this, I felt the Lord say: my body is His temple and it's time I start taking care of it.
In other news, London is promoting "put-pocketing". Part of an advertising campaign of a mobile phone operator (what's the link again?) which will be extended to other parts of Britain next month. Self-proclaimed reformed pick-pockets play Santa and distribute a grand 100,000 pounds (no there is no typo) by dropping cash into the pockets or handbags of unsuspecting passer-bys on the streets of London such as Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square and Oxford Circus. How very intelligent an idea, given that it promotes the same stealth and 'skills' as pickpocketing and while they are at it these reformed ones say they feel less guilty about taking money out from peoples' pockets all these years (so now there's a cure to crime?). Anyhow, if you are headed for the UK, go hunt down those "Rejoice! Put pockets operate in this area" signs, loiter and go nuts! Tell me if you make more than 20 pounds.
xx
claire.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
