Count I will

Despite how this may be cliché and tired-sounding after the three million and one blogs on thanksgiving, I decided that I have to do this. Not for tradition's sake but really to remind myself of how beautifully blessed I am. Count I will, and here I go.

I am truly grateful for:

1. My family -

My dearest Daddy, whom I know loves me more than I know. Even though you do not explicitly say so but your actions shout it out so loud. They say, ignore the words for words are cheap; just look at the actions. I love you, too.

My dearest Mummy, whom I know loves me to pieces, with a vast, boundless and sacrificial love. I will give anything to have, and be, a mother like you. I love you, too.

My beloved brother: I am glad I wrote that piece on your birthday. The wonderful Lord, He works in beautiful ways, doesn't He? Thank you for everything. I love you, too.

My beloved sister, aka my dearest Cong: Thank you for the joy you bring to this family. For your patient, kind and loving temperament that puts me to shame. Each day, I cannot believe that we are close friends despite our 9 year age gap. I love you, too.

Truly, 'I am everything I am, because you love me'.

2. My best friend

Eleven years ago, we were strangers. Actually, make that very mere acquaintances. Rather, I remembered you as the very bad-tempered friend of a friend (you do have a very black face, you know; but a heart of gold :D).

Eleven years later - of shared secrets, hopes and dreams, of love lost, of travelling experiences, of tender moments and of a quiet and sure love - I am eternally thankful for a bestest friend and soulmate in you. God did a beautiful, beautiful thing that very day when I shared with you that which would bring us together.

Here's to drossing around our favourite place at 80 years old and on walking sticks :). I love you, too.

3. My job

I would never imagine myself saying this, say, two years ago. Indeed, He has brought me a long, long way. To where I am now, with healed relationships and a sense of confidence despite the new challenges each day. Simply remembering what He has brought me through brings me to my knees, with gratitude. I am here for a season. I don't know when this season will end, but if and when it does, I would not regret a single minute spent in this place. For it made me who I am today, stronger as an individual and in Him.

4. Love lost

I think of him today with a distant sort of fondness. If that makes sense. We last met a year or two ago, and probably wouldn't meet anytime soon. That's fine; I have long ago come to terms that it was not meant to be. I will probably never understand why. Sometimes still, I whisper to Him, what the h*ll Lord, why? He was so right and it was so right. I don't know and I guess I will only ever know when I see Him face to face.

Yet I thank Him for I felt Him say time and again that He has brought, and will bring, each person into our lives for a reason. He taught me what it was to love God before any (and I mean any) human being; I will never forget the conversations we had when I was so broken from my illness, and he was simply there to ease me back to Him. I could be long lost from His kingdom, if not for him and God working through him. Thank you, for that.

5. Long runs

I love 'em. They clear my head like nothing else would. Try one, with worship songs pounding away in your ears. Perfect for a heart to heart with Him.

6. Chocolate

I have descended into the frivolous, if you haven't already noticed. But hey, who says these aren't things to be grateful for? Love, love, love CHOCS. Endorphins, endorphins and yet more endorphins! Just had some choc daifuku flown all the way from Tokyo. Hearts to my lovely friend who sent them :)

7. Friends

A friend is a 'person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of s*xual or family relations'. (I am blocking out any potential words that may get my blog deleted, which apparently occurs randomly.)

I am grateful for real friends, not the ones who stab you in the back. Not the ones who smile and pretend they adore you. The ones whom you know will stick with you through thick and thin, through smiles and tears, whom you know your secret is safe with. Heck, whom I can trust my life with.

I can count them with both hands. That is an endangered specie, all by itself. I am thankful.

8. Make-up

How frivolous am I? At the risk of sounding defensive, I have to say I am grateful for make-up, because I guess vestiges of my illness remain in the form of self-esteem or lack thereof. I don't think I've ever stepped out of the house nowadays without some form of make-up. Exceptions of course apply when I go for a run. Call me vain if you will. I will honestly admit that I guess that plays a part, but more than anything else, it is a self-esteem issue. (I cannot believe I just admitted that. This blog had better remain forever anonymous.)

9. Coffee, coke, caffeine!

I am such a caffeine fiend. Honestly, I am grateful for it. Not for the yellow teeth and bad stains. I guess, it makes me a lean, mean, efficient machine. I need to cut the dose, I believe. But I am thankful for this amazing creation, or rather, discovery.

10. Dearest God

Last but not least. My dearest Lord, Jesus Christ. Without whom I am nothing. I struggle each day to draw closer to You in recent times. Yet You never fail to reach out to me in my darkness and unbelief. Father, I believe, help my unbelief, Lord, I pray. I thank You for carrying me through each storm of life - through my debilitating illness anorexia, my ridiculous number of years of education and countless exams, my long droughts in my walk with You, my lack of faith and sitting on the fence, my struggles with You, the thoughts of giving it all away, the fear of so many things that this life can bring, the back-stabbers (albeit very smiley ones) and the physical, emotional and mental pain - through it all, Father. Thank You for You.

I am feeling so rich now, I could burst.

xx
claire