Come Home Running

Without going into too much detail, I must praise Him for His amazing grace.

Never in my life did I think I would get myself into a situation such as this. Suffice to say, I placed myself in a position much like what my earlier post described - a shortchanged place. From the start, he was so clearly wrong. Yet I dabbled into the gray area. Nevermind, Lord, it's too early to tell.

Always trust your gut. Apparently (and I can testify to that) your mind picks up silent signs, body language and what not, that contribute to this idea or feeling you have about someone, commonly known as a gut feel. It is not an unidentifiable or illogical 'feeling'; it's a combination of the subtle signs your body is wired to pick up; stuff you never knew was there, or perhaps you did but unconsciously blocked out.

I treasure His gift of forgiveness. And I am so, so grateful that He has lifted me right out of this. Before it is too late.

It is scary to know that my previous post spoke exactly of what happened a couple of days thereafter. It was as if God knew. Well, not as if. God knew. To be honest, I regret it deeply. It was surreal, and on hindsight, terribly troubling. It was as if I had turned into someone I didn't know, overnight. Hello, stranger, I do not like you.

But I would not change the experience, which I know happened for a reason. he was worldliness personified - good looks (being English, maybe it's a preference for all who look different), interesting personality, same job thus sharing some sort of understanding, affectionate - name what the world looks for, and you have it. Yet he does not have the basic decency in so many things; he does not have the fear and love for Christ or even human beings. Very importantly, he does not respect me (when I say no, I mean no) and I believe all other women previously in my position.

I compromised. I settled. I naively believed in what my best friend so aptly coined 'counterfeit oneness'. The trap that so many women fall for. I who genuinely believe I would never be "so stupid" was taught a lesson. These women are not stupid; they are merely looking for love. But sadly, in all the wrong places.

Coming out of this, I am grateful that He showed me what the world is like. That He has far, far, FAR better Hope and Plans for me. That He loves me. Despite my failure. Despite my stubborn straying. Despite my denial of Him. Despite that I was caught in the middle, "between the altar and the door". He found me, right in the middle.

It is funny. You spend so much time running away from Him. Perhaps out of fear, out of disappointment at what life had dealt you. You run and you run and you don't want to look back. Yet, when you are panting and exhausted and you feel like you could run no more, you find that home seems no further than that doorstep from which eons ago you had stepped out. You find that He is right there, with His arms wide open, whispering to you to please come home.

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, Daughter and Son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

Whoever, or whatever, you are settling for: it is not worth it. I should know.

xx
claire