Choices

So I am faced with a decision I must make in the week ahead or whatever is left of it. And which could or rather most certainly will affect my life in the next couple of years. For obvious reasons this shall at this moment remain a mystery but suffice to say a large portion of my life will change depending on what I choose.

I am at once placed in a position of fear and tremendous blessing. Oxymoron, you say. Not at all. God, I realise, loves to put us in places like these. It is in these moments that we find ourselves completely lost without Him, that each step of the way we find ourselves having to turn to Him constantly asking for guidance asking for help asking for His Holy Spirit to sustain us because we do not know what to do or how to choose. Sadly but this is the truth we human beings and certainly myself do not turn to God out of pure love and obedience that arise from the goodness of our hearts, but from pain and helplessness at which point we truly understand how a Christian means "Christ" without whom "i.am.nothing" (C.h.r.i.s.t.i.a.n. for the benefit of the sometimes slow in brain like yours truly).

It is 1.19am and I ought to be in bed. The past one and half weeks had brought about such immense and intense pain in my life, which I may finally bring myself to write about one day, but I give thanks. I thank Him that He has brought me through relatively unscathed and with a heart yearning and longing and seeking after Him. He has shown me that despite my deliberate disobedience and sinning against Him He has never once left. Not once. Not for a moment and it is this very thought and truth that sustains me each moment each day.

xx
In His beautiful, wonderful and perfect love
Claire