For crying out loud

8.7 kg baby born in a North Sumatra province a couple of days ago (beside a 2.3 kg lil one).

Love this pic. Big or small, we are all beautiful ones brought into this world by the hand of the Lord. If only we could remember this each step of our way.

All the same inside

Funny, how we are all the same inside.

I could be male and you female or we could be of the same gender.

You could be an extrovert and I an introvert, according to Myers-Briggs at least.

To the world, I could be sullen and you cheerful.

We could be miles apart or right beside each other.

We could be of the same race or you could be black and I white, or you white and I yellow.

We could go to the same school and work in the same place.

Or you could be what the world sees as poor in a village in Nepal and I could be what the world sees as rich in a penthouse in Upper Manhattan.

We could be as different as the East is from the West.

Yet.

We think the same thoughts, feel the same emotions and dream the same dreams.

We hope to make the same connection, get hurt by the same callousness and ache and heal in the same way.

We fear the same fears and long for the same rainbow.

We are overwhelmed by the same thoughtfulness and are made fragile by the same love.

We are stung by the same sarcasm and are drawn to the same genuine souls.

We are flooded by the same questions and are heartened by the same revelation.

We are grieved by perhaps varied experiences yet which when torn apart cuts to the same disappointment and discontentment.

You and me, we are built to run on the same petrol.

On His love.

xx

claire

Missing unreality

The night owl is on the prowl. Bed time calls out, but fails miserably as I insist on writing. Note to self: Bad habits must be axed before I age uncontrollably. Standing joke between me and a dear friend that we may wake up one fine day and find that we have aged 20 years overnight. Acceleration you know, after all those stubborn, unnecessarily late nights.

So I have been posting quite a bit - in secret. Posts that remain in draft form and are not published. I realise I am very much a private person afterall. Part of what keeps this blog going is the (perhaps foolish) belief that not very many people are reading and this pretty much documents my deepest thoughts that are locked up safely in cyberspace. Yet there are thoughts that I would rather remain with myself, for now. Perhaps I will share when ready.

Anonymity. It is a treasured thing. Very much taken for granted, and very much cherished when lost. Ask them celebrities; I am certain they will not cease nodding.

In other news, I love a great tui na massage and a miracle facial. Pampered to death today. Love spa-ing (forgive the non-english word). It brings me for that little moment a glimpse of heaven. So now you know, I am a superficial, pretentious yuppie...

Well, seriously, I have never been more tense in the past 20ish years of my life, as I have been in the last five. The latter spent working, obviously. The Lovely Masseuse from China - sleazy sounding, but she is really this wonderfully chatty lady who works miracles with her nimble hands - found out today, after almost a year of dishing out her power massages to yours truly, my occupation in the real world.

"Oh. You know, I have some other customers who are lawyers too."

"And all of their bodies are like yours!"

"You must fight a war, everyday."

True. I go to war everyday, and pray there isn't an unexpected landmine that blows up in your face. With no intention of griping, I do wonder, yet again, if there is an end to this all. My poor physical body, at least, is crying out for mercy.

Lovely Chinese Masseuse has changed my mind about those from her homeland. I would admit to deep prejudice, based on various reasons and experiences. So yes, I am ashamed at stereotyping once again. Don't we all need a little wake up call from our preconceived notions of so many people, of so many things, and of Him and how we expect Him to move in our lives. As I commented in another blog, the beauty of being human is that we could not be boxed in. And so much more, the Lord.

It's been a mish mash of thoughts. But that is pretty much where I am on a very early Saturday morning. With Cotton Wool for a Brain. Cannot wait to catch up with a Dearest Friend tomorrow. One of the precious gems in my life that keeps me going.

xx
claire.

Waiting

I spent pretty much a lot of my life waiting.
Waiting for the Lord to move mighty miracles.
Visible ones, please. With eyes closed and hands clasped, I whispered to Him.
I need to know that You are there.
Over the years, I find myself still waiting.
This time around, with the wait, comes peace.
Not a 'knowing' that He will grant me precisely what is asked.
But a conviction that all things will work for the good of those who love Him.
Not as much as I'd like. But assuredly, I can say: anxiety, it ceased.
Believing what you do not (yet) see. Foolish, perhaps, to some.
But that is what faith - cut away religiosity and playing church - is all about, isn't it?
So today, I do not pretend that I'm not waiting, still.
Knocking, still. Asking, still.
Today, a very dear friend dropped a note.
Life updates. And sharing about the pain.
The pain that came because that waiting apparently ceased.
Sarah and Haggai: will we never learn?
Today waiting continues.
The Lord will move mightily. He is the same, yesterday, today and forevermore.
He promised to come. And He will. To bring us to a place, where tears are no more.
Blessed hope, it's all I have, and it's all I will ever need.
xx
claire.

In Celebration of Food, Glorious Food

This refusal to sleep. It's insane.

Anyhow, I am celebrating food today. Glorious food. Not simply food. Each picture reminds me of a loved one I shared the dish with. Of the memories, of the conversations and the pure comfort and joy in each other's company. Most of all, I celebrate the freedom the Lord has given me - to enjoy food, without worrying a single ounce regarding my weight. That mental jail that I never thought I could possibly escape from? Literally non-existent. Gone. Forevermore. In His name. Praise the Lord.

So perhaps this explains my penchant in recent times to take photos of my meals. They warm me. Reminds me that I don't count calories when I eat. Reminds me that the days of imprisonment are over. No more are the minutes where I retreat into that shell of mine, drifting off from conversations to count calories. Seriously, life is more than that.

To freedom. To the truth. To miracles. To Him whose name is above every other name. To Him who can do exceedingly, abundantly, above all than you can ever hope or imagine.

Cheers.
Claire.

Din Tai Fung. Enough said.
Love love love their xiao long bao! xx


Spicy crabmeat. Limited edition.
love and hugs to my sweetest juiciest spiciest crabmeat baby.
Get. It. Now.


Chicken + Mushroom in to die for Japanese curry
Pasta de Waraku: no one does it better.
Irrahshaeemaseh...burp.


Chicken + Egg in their signature Wafu sauce.
Done differently on days. Wetter version trumps.


Grilled sotong in black ink sauce.
Lovely, crunchy end-off to that pasta.

Cappucino happily drenched in chocolate.
Sin never tasted sweeter.

Lao Beijing's version of the humble bao.
I'd go with DTF, anytime. Of course, this could be my not-a-fan-of-pork self speaking. So don't mind my biased take (or blatant attempt at CYA).

Afternoon snack; lovely mummy warmth. I love her, to bits.

Sashimi drenched in wasabi drenched in soya sauce drenched in ze mouth of yours truly, amidst some sticky Japanese rice. *Love love love and satisfaction.*

Sweet catching up with a long-time friend in the Lord today. God reminds me, yet again, that it is so important for two to connect in Him. Without the Lord holding the relationship together, really, what is it based on? If he is not of the Lord, he is of the devil -- there is no middle ground. It is at once humbling and jolting, to be taught that truth.

Tempura, sushi set (I think) Forgot the name!
To make up for it: food's great, service's fast. Sit at the counter, near the chefs, to avoid the noise.
Check it out now, along Market Street.

Perfect End to a Friday. Loved ones, warmth, laughter, Japanese seafood curry (Pasta de Waraku; alright I'm a sucker: they are good!).
3:43am and I am tired but joyful. And immensely thankful.

Said meal with friend today reminded me again. Disappointments are here, to stay. That's life, and in this life, God says, we will have trouble. But one cannot deny Him. At least, I cannot. Tried. (Ashamedly but admittedly true) But couldn't. Once you have tasted what is good and pure and true, you could never turn your back away from Him. Perhaps you may stumble and fall. And languish in your perceived sad state of being. But after a while, you see His hand move and even if you don't, you feel and you hear His heart speak. Whisper, maybe. But surely, you hear His still, small voice. Deny him, we can't. Because we are lovingly made by Him, our Creator and the Lover of Our Soul.

Being in an Esau place

The story of Esau. Ain't it hilarious, to lose your birthright for bread and stew (of lentils no less)?

Laugh no more. I chide myself nowadays. It is commonplace. Increasingly where I do not wish to be. Perhaps it is impatience? Perhaps it is the lack of faith, smaller than - alas - a mustard seed? Or perhaps I have looked at the stormy waters and stumbled before I could see the Lord reaching out with His arms before me.

I do not know. It is at once baffling and humbling that throughout history, His Word records de ja vu three hundred and sixty five times over (once for each day of the calendar year). Yet we never learn. I never learn.

When you are tested, you shall come forth as gold. To that truth I hang. Till the day words like these ring true: My God is able to deliver me. Even if He does not, I will not bow down to your golden calf, O man. Grieve the Holy Spirit, I will not.

claire.

Office politics

Dear Office Politics,

You suck.

Best regards,
Claire

Ties that bind

So here we are again - I have 12 minutes to blog this. All these time lines are making me nervous; or rather, they make me nervous all day long. Not surprising, given that I am required to clock what I do by a three-minute time block. Always amusing (the first time), how many clients revert to say, "What did we speak on again that day, which you charged 6 minutes for?"

Anyhow, here is an attempt at a jumbled crossword puzzle of thoughts pieced together under the constraints of time.

Ties that bind.

Walking, quickly, half-sprinting, perhaps, to the pantry today, I ran into the Kind Partner, W. He was deeply engrossed in making a fine brew of green tea (not all in the fish tank are addicts, you know). "Hello!", I blurted out in a three-quarter chirpy, one-quarter sleepy, tone. W looked up and smiled his toothy grin. "How are you?" - the same words could come out so differently, when said by some and some others. "I'm good. How about you?", it was politeness more than anything else. W is a really nice guy, but he is no-nonsense and I know he works hard and efficiently during the day just so he could go home to his family. "Don't make small talk; he's probably rushing back to his desk.", I noted silently.

So who would know that the conversation flowed for the next 15 minutes, without ceasing. We bonded - over the Lord. He told me how his three children were healed, miraculously, by His grace and with no help of medical science, of their illnesses. Clear health scans, despite otherwise sad news prior to the healing sessions. Praise God. Praise Him for His goodness, for He never, never, fails. As for me, I told him how God delivered me from spiritual disturbance - I almost forgot if I didn't bring it up earlier - a good ten years ago. God wants me - us - to remember His deeds, His love and His miracles in our lives. Because we forget, too easily we forget.

We bonded over our ties in God.

Amazing, don't you think - I could hold the same 15 minute conversation with another colleague; or make it an hour-long conversation if you will, and it would never be the same. We could go round in circles, exchanging firm 'gossip' (you know, who quit, who's doing what huge deal (seriously, who cares) and which Partner loves which Associate, who's making Partner soon - yada yada.) - you forget the conversation the moment you get out. You can't wait to.

I thank God today for reminding me again, that all things are made new in Him. And all of His children will bond in Him. That all relationships strive because of Him. That without Him, we are nothing. That in Him and with Him and through Him, I can do all things.

So I exceeded my time line by 3 minutes. But you know, things of God could never be bound by time or anything else, for that matter. :)

Till next time.

xx
claire.